Your conflict game plan: what do you want to start doing?

Here are some effective ways to approach conflict:

Getting your own clarity about your own thinking and feeling:  what is really bothering you, beneath the surface of your complaint?

Being clear about what you would like to happen: specifically, and framed as what you want (rather than don’t want).

Choosing a quiet, relaxed time and place for the conversation.

Using “I” statements, and feeling statements.

Listening carefully, without interrupting.  Checking that you understand, and asking questions to clarify (rather than as another means of arguing your case).

Taking agreed upon breaks to calm down if either person’s anger or anxiety is escalating.

Willingness to own the impacts of your behavior (as separate from your intentions) and apologize for negative impacts on your partner.

Willingness to compromise or agree to disagree after listening and being heard (as opposed to auto-pilot caving or auto-pilot refusing to be influenced).

After reviewing the above, ask yourself:

What are 3 things I want to start doing when I have conflict with a partner?

Of the three, what is hardest for me to do?  What is easiest?  What is a strategy to keep this in mind when I'm getting upset?