Once you know your partner's love languages (see Key Concept 3), interview them for more specifics. For instance, if he likes gifts, find out if any little treat counts, or if he's also looking for other attributes. Is it worth more if it is expensive, or if it shows you know him well?
Once you have a good idea of the kinds of things that your partner perceives as evidence of love, make yourself a tickler system to ensure that you are communicating in the languages they can hear. Hopefully there are enough options that you can offer at least one per week. For instance, if your partner likes words of affirmation, you can calendar reminders to say the positive things you feel, and leave her little love notes or write her a card.
Continue your spontaneous expressions of love in any language, but use the tickler to ensure that you don't fall below a minimum threshold in the languages that really get heard. Long-term relationships cannot rely on spontaneity alone to keep these messages flowing. There is still authenticity in the choice to take the action your tickler suggests. If you see the note on your calendar and don't feel like following through, this is important information. Review Key Concept 2, and ask yourself if there is something you're having a hard time saying out loud.
Comments
You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.